Harvey: Hoss, run for your life! That big, mean Rottie’s loose!
Narrator: The angry Rottie chases Hoss down the lane. The two dogcatchers see a big blue dumpster, climb in it and shut the lid.
Harvey: Ah man, it reeks in here.
Hoss: I don’t care. I’m staying in here until I’m sure the Rotties’s gone.
Narrator: Mick starts up the dog catchers’ truck and heads for town.
Mick: I’ve got to get back to the radio station. I got an even better story to tell them now.
Act Three Scene Three:
Narrator: Zeke, the hospital custodian, runs up to General Kane.
Zeke: The guy we locked up in the store room broke the window and
General Kane: Enns, get in the truck. We’ve got to catch that rancher before he starts shooting his mouth off again.
Narrator: Enns and Kane start riding down the back lane. They stop when they see two dogcatchers climbing out of the dumpster.
Private Enns: Look, General. The city makes those poor dogcatchers hunt for dogs in the dumpster.
General Kane: I doubt that Enns. Roswell city employees have a union.
Private Enns: Maybe the dog catchers aren’t included in the union contract.
General Kane: What the heck are you guys doing in the dumpster? Just look at you guys all covered in garbage. You’re a disgrace to the uniform!
Private Enns: I thought city employees made good money. You guys
shouldn’t have to scrounge around for food in the dumpster.
Hoss: We’re not looking for food. A large Rottweiler chased us into the dumpster.
General Kane: Men, it’s your job to catch dogs, not run away from them!
Harvey: Well there’s a whole other side to this story. You tell them what happened, Hoss.
Hoss: Well, it’s kind of a long story. We were sitting in the truck having our smoke break when we saw this guy stumbling down the back lane.
Harvey: Yeah, this guy tells us this goofy story about escaping from the hospital. He said two military guys kidnapped him and threw him in the back of a truck with a bunch of aliens.
Hoss: Ha ha! And then he says something about a nurse giving him a shot of horse tranquilizer in the backside.
Private Enns: They’re talking about Mick, General.
General Kane: I know! So where’s this guy now?
Private Enns: Yeah. And don’t you guys have a truck or something to put the dogs in when you catch them?
General Kane: They don’t need one. The dogs all chase them into the dumpster. Ha ha ha!
Harvey: Look General, this is no laughing matter. The guy drove off with our truck.
Private Enns: I don’t get it. There’s two of you against one of him.
Hoss Well it’s kind of a long story. You tell them, Harvey.
Harvey: Well, while Hoss and I were trying to pull this guy into the truck, the keys fall out of Hoss’s pants The guy grabbed the keys and let the Rottweiler out the back of the truck.
General Kane: Now let me guess, and then the dog chased you guys into the dumpster.
Hoss: Yeah, that’s pretty much the way it happened.
Private Enns: You guys are hilarious. You’re funnier than Lloyd the Barber on the Andy Griffith Show. You guys should go tell your story on Rick and Dwight’s radio show.
General Kane: I have a feeling that’s where Mick is right now.
Act Four Scene One:
Narrator: General Kane and Private Enns pull up in front of the radio station and see the dogcatcher’s truck. For the second time in one day the military break down the door to the control room.
Mick: Well, like I was saying, these two army guys kidnapped me and threw me in the back of their jeep. I rode in the back with three dead aliens and one live one. They took me to the hospital where a nurse gave me a shot of horse tranquilizer in the butt. Woah ! Help me! The Army guys are back!
Rick: Listeners, I’d like to report that two military men have kidnapped Mick Russell for the second time today.
Dwight: Yeah, and right when he was getting to the good part of the story. If Mick escapes again and comes back this evening we won’t have time for him on our show.
Rick: That’s right Dwight. Were scheduled to do an interview with Lloyd the Barber from the Andy Griffin Show.