Chapter 23 of Roswell Revisited, A Play


Rick: Dwight, whose keys are those hanging on the hook in the office?

Dwight: I don’t know. I found them on the floor after the Air Force
guys took Mick away.

Harvey: Our best bet is to head towards Corona. They have lots of huge sand dunes out there.

Hoss: Good thinking Harv. Corona is far enough away that no one would think of looking for his body out there.

Harvey: Nobody but us, you mean. We can stop in Corona and pick
up a couple of burgers at Burger King.

Hoss: We better stop at Moe’s Garage before we leave town. We’ll have to fill up with gas if we’re driving all the way to Corona.

Harvey: Good idea. I gotta use the washroom real bad.

Narrator: Harvey and Hoss pull up to the gas pumps at Moe’s Garage. While Moe is busy with a customer, two of his mechanics.

Homer: Hey, Les. Get a load of this. One of those guys in the the car looks just like Elmer Fudd and his friend looks like Yosemite Sam.

Les: They’re wearing costumes Homer. There’s a big rodeo going on in Corona this weekend. Those two dudes are probably rodeo clowns.

Narrator: Moe finishes up at the cash register and then walks up to
the gas pumps. How much gas do you need, boys?

Hoss: Can you fill her up? We’re driving all the way to Corona.

Moe: For the big rodeo? I noticed your costumes. You guys must be rodeo clowns.

Harvey: No, we’re dog catchers. We’re on our way to get the keys back for our truck. Some rancher has them. We heard that some Air Force guys buried him in the desert.

Moe: What?!

Hoss: Harvey doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s out of his head
with the heatstroke. We just finished working this kid’s birthday party. We
were out in the hot sun for a couple of hours. It gets mighty hot in these costumes. We’re in a hurry to get to the rodeo so we didn’t have time to change out of our costumes.

Harvey: Yeah, and my stomach is starting to feel a little queasy. Can I get the keys to your washroom?

Moe: The washroom’s all boarded up. Two guys from the Health Department shut her down this morning. They said they were listening to Rick and Dwight’s radio show and heard that my washroom was filthy.

Harvey: What can I do? I got to go real bad.

Moe: Well, there’s a big cactus plant growing behind the garage. Nobody can see you from the road.

Narrator: Harvey gets behind the big cactus plant and tries to unzip his costume. The zipper gets stuck and Harvey has to cut a hole in the backside of the costume with his Swiss Army knife. Harvey leans back on the cactus plant in order to get his balance. His butt gets punctured by the thorns sticking out of the cactus plant.

Harvey: Yow! That hurts. There’s nothing like getting cactus prickles in your butt when you’re trying to do your business. Hey, Hoss, can you bring me some toilet paper? I left a roll in the glove compartment.
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