Ken David Stewart’s Greatest Hits (Volume 1 Excerpt 15)

Act Four Scene One:

Narrator: General Kane and Private Enns pull up in front of the radio station and see the dogcatcher’s truck. For the second time in one day the military break down the door to the control room.

Mick: Well, like I was saying, these two army guys kidnapped me and threw me in the back of their truck. I rode in the back with three dead aliens and one live one. They took me to the hospital where a nurse gave me a shot of horse tranquilizer in the butt. Woah ! Help me! The Army guys are back!

Rick: Listeners, I’d like to report that two military men have kidnapped Mick Russell for the second time today.

Dwight: Yeah, and right when he was getting to the good part of the story. If Mick escapes again and comes back this evening we won’t have time for him on our show.

Rick: That’s right Dwight. Were scheduled to do an interview with Lloyd the Barber from the Andy Griffin Show.

Dwight: Hang on. I think we have a caller on the line.

Lloyd the Barber: You guys better not cancel my interview. You think your listeners want to hear some bozo go on about flying saucers, aliens and some goofball getting a shot of horse tranquilizer in the backside? Don’t you think they’d rather hear an exclusive interview with a great actor like Lloyd the Barber instead?

Rick: Probably not. But don’t worry Lloyd. Your interview is still on for this evening.

Act Seven Scene Three:

Narrator: Harvey and Hoss, the two dogcatcher start walking back to town down and in about thirty minutes they make it back into the downtown area of Roswell.

Harvey: Look, Hoss. There’s our truck parked outside the radio station. I bet the yahoo that stole it is inside the radio station right now.

Narrator: Harvey grabs a large piece of wood and uses a battering ram against the radio station store. The two dog catchers fall over

and roll onto the carpet of the radio station.

Rick: Hey you goofs! Have you ever heard of doorknobs and turning the handle first?

Dwight: Rick, look at our station! Now we have splinters of wood to go with all the broken glass. Everybody who comes to the station is trying to destroy the place.

Harvey: Don’t get your shirt in a knot Dwight. Just send the repair bills over to City Hall. The City of Roswell will reimburse you for all the damage.

Hoss: Yeah, we’re dog catchers here on official city business. Some guy stole our truck. He’s got to be in here.

Harvey: Right, we were trying to take the guy to the hospital and he repays us by stealing our truck.

Rick: Well, he’s not here now.

Dwight: A few minutes ago we had our special guest Mick Russell on the air. He just starting telling our listeners about how he was kidnapped by the Air Force and thrown in the back of a truck with a bunch of dead aliens.

Harvey: Did he say that he got a shot of horse tranquilizer in the butt when they took him inside the hospital?

Rick: How did you know?

Hoss: Because this Mick Russell is the guy who stole our truck!

Harvey: Where is Mick now? He’s got the keys to our truck.

Dwight: Who knows? The same two Air Force guys kidnapped him again while he was on the air for the second time today.

Rick: Yeah, twice in one day. That boy is having a real bad day.

Dwight: You think Mick’s having a bad day? Poor baby. How about us? Our radio station has been trashed twice today.

Hoss: So where do you think the Air Force guys took Mick?

Rick: Well, there are two possibilities. One is that they took him back to the Air Force Base for questioning. The other is they took him out to the desert to shoot him.

Dwight, Rick. The Air Force wouldn’t take Mick out into the desert to shoot him!

Rick: Have you ever heard of Hiroshima, Dwight?

Dwight: Oh, yeah. I remember now.

Rick: That’s the reason that I’m the lead broadcaster and you’re my assistant.

Dwight: I didn’t know that. I always thought it was because you married the owner’s daughter.
Roswell Book Cover 1


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