Act Five Scene One:
Narrator: Dennis the mortician, has finished loading all the small caskets in the hearse. He drives to the Roswell Hospital and walks right through the front entrance. Dennis sees a nurse he knows running toward him.
Nurse Jane: Dennis, get out of here quickly before someone sees you. No one can see you here. I’ll call you later tonight.
Narrator: Just as Dennis turns around to answer Nurse Carrie, two burly hospital security guards, Jim and Sean, grab Dennis by the arms and escort him to the parking lot.
Dennis: Let me go! What’s the meaning of this?!
Jim, the security guard: Look buddy, we have orders to toss out anyone who doesn’t belong here.
Dennis: I’m Dennis Morris, the mortician. The General told me to meet him here.
Narrator: Just then General Kane pulls up in his jeep.
General Kane: He’s telling the truth, men. Release him immediately. Dennis, have you got the four coffins I ordered?
Dennis: Yes sir. They’re in the back of the hearse.
General Kane: Good. Okay, security guards, start unloading the hearse on the double.
Sean: Sir, unloading the hearse is not part of our job description.
General Kane: How would you boys like to eat a live grenade instead?
Sean: Well, if you put it that way, General, I guess we can make an exception in this case.
General Kane: That’s a wise decision boys. Dennis, did you get my cigars and pepperoni sticks?
Dennis: Oh no! I was so busy that I forgot all about them.
General Kane: Do you have any idea how hungry I am, Dennis? I’ve been so busy dealing with idiot dog catchers and loud-
mouth ranchers that I missed my lunch and supper. Jim, there’s a Burger King and a 7-11 in Corona about thirty miles from here. Get in your car and bring me three double whoppers with cheese and two large French fries at Burger King. Then head over to 7-Eleven and pick me up a pack of White Owls and ten pepperoni sticks.
Jim: Sir, we have strict orders from our supervisor not to leave the hospital grounds for any reason.
General Kane: Jim, from now on, you take your orders from me! Get the lead out! I’m starving!
Jim: Aye aye, sir.
Narrator: Jim gets in his old beater of a car and heads for Corona.
General Kane: Good work, Dennis. Your job is done here. You can go home now.
Dennis: Thank you, sir.