Ken David Stewart’s Greatest Hits (Volume 2 Excerpt 2)


Act Six Scene One:

Narrator: This scene takes place at the Roswell City Compound. Ross, the supervisor is pacing restlessly around the office. He keeps looking up at the clock.

Ross: Will, are all the trucks back? I want to leave here a bit early and get a fast start on the long weekend.

Will: All the city vehicles are back except for the dog catchers’ truck.

Ross: You mean Harvey and Hoss aren’t back yet?

Will: Well, I haven’t seen them or their truck since they left the compound this morning.

Ross: I can’t imagine those guys working any longer than they absolutely have to.

Will: Maybe they’re trying to beat their old record. They caught one dog last year.

Ross: Yeah, I remember that. Last summer Hoss left a cheeseburger in the back of the van. An old, scruffy mutt climbed into the back of the van to get it.

Will: Then Hoss came back looking for his cheeseburger,
saw the dog and locked the door.

Ross: That’s what really happened but to hear those guys tell the story you’d think they caught a Siberian tiger. Still, I’m baffled. Those guys are usually clocked out and drinking their first beer at Dusty’s Tavern by this time.

Will: Quick Ross, look out the window. Someone’s trying to break into Hoss’s car.

Ross: Who would want to steal that old, rusty pile of junk?

Will: Two real weirdoes that’s who. One guy’s dressed up like Elmer Fudd and the other guy looks like Yosemite Sam.

Ross: Holy cow! You’re right. Quick grab a shovel from the tool shed and run those guys off the property.

Will: That wouldn’t be such a good idea. The last time I watched Bugs Bunny cartoons Elmer Fudd was carrying a rifle.

Ross: Yeah, I saw that show too. Elmer uses a big rifle to hunt down Bugs Bunny. And didn’t Yosemite Sam have a pistol in each hand?

Will: Yeah, Smith and Wessons. I don’t want to mess with those two guys.

Ross: Yeah, on second thought you better stay inside. I’ll call for Sheriff Pyle on this one.

Will: Maybe we should call the National Guard, Boss.

Ross: Get a grip Will. They’re only cartoon characters.

Narrator: While Ross phones Sheriff Pyle, Hoss and Harvey drive off in the car.

Act Six Scene Two:

Narrator: Back at the hospital Dr. Zorba and General Kane are embroiled in a heated argument about what to do with the alien, Captain Zig. Nurse Carrie runs into the room next door and grabs a bedpan from under the bed of elderly gentleman. When she returns she throws the contents of the bedpan in General Kane’s face.

General Kane: Arghh!! You people are going to pay for this!

Narrator: Before General Kane is finished speaking, Dr. Zorba winds up and lays the general out with a round house right.

Captain Zig: (communicating telepathically) Nurse, pull the cover off the air vent.

Narrator: While Dr. Zorba is putting the Brett Hart sharpshooter on General Kane, Nurse Carrie pulls the cover off the air vent. Quick as a flash the alien crawls through the hole and enters the crawlspace.

Capt. Zig: Thank you nurse. Where are the medical supplies kept?

Nurse Carrie: Keep going right. It’s three doors down from here.

Capt. Zig: Ah ha! As soon as I get to the medical supply room I’ll find the medications I need to save my life.
Roswell Book Cover 7

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