Where Wrestling, Time Machines and Tomfoolery All Collide


Author’s Note:
It is now time to bring back two characters from a previous play, The Escaped Convict. The two characters are Steve Wyler and Harry O’Finsky. In my last play, Steven Wyler and Harry

O’Finsky are in a wrestling match with Hulk Hogan and Jake the Snake Roberts. There is mass chaos breaking out in the ring. Steve Tyler grabs Harry O’Finsky who is disguised as the Masked Mauler. The two convicts run backstage and enter an old storage room near the back of the arena.

Steve: We’ll be safe in here for a little while, Harry. I had to get you out of the ring before we both got arrested and even killed. As I was looking around the arena I saw the Warden as well as those two cons we stole the smokes from last month.

Harry: Man, its mighty dark and dusty in this old shed. Hey, Steve, look over there. What’s that big fancy wheel with all the fancy
colors?

Steve: I don’t know. Let’s check it out.

Harry: Wow, this thing is cool, Steve. It looks like some kind of antique car. It has two seats, a lever and a dash that’s all lit up.

Narrator: Steve and Harvey get into the seats of the car. Harry can’t resist pushing some buttons on the dash and pushing the lever forward. In a few seconds, the vehicle starts to shake and rattle and all Harry and all Steve can see is a swirling kaleidoscope of colors. In a few minutes their vehicle crashes in a farmer’s field.

Steve: What just happened? Where the heck are we?

Harry: Hey, look what it says on the dash. It says location Roswell, New Mexico, year 1947.

Steve: Harry, we just took a trip in a time machine! What luck! Who would’ve thought of a better escape?

Gary: Ha! Ha! I bet the Warden and Sam and Charles are looking all around the arena for us right now. Ha! Ha!

Steve: I can just see those two guys now. Sam and Charles running around all over the arena looking for us and the Warden and the guards chasing after them.

Harry: Meanwhile we’re in a different state fifty years in the past!

Steve: Man, I’m getting pretty hungry. We need to find a truck stop. Maybe if we do some walking around we’ll find a highway.

Harry: Good idea. We’ll wait for a trucker on his way into town.

Narrator: Jim, the security guard is now driving down the highway on his way to Corona to get the General his burgers, pepperoni sticks and cigars. He sees two hitch hikers trying to thumb a ride. Jim stops to pick them up.

Jim: Howdy boys, I’m going as far as Corona. Will that help you out?

Harry: It sure will. Are there any restaurants in Corona? We’re really hungry.

Jim: Well, there’s a Burger King and a 7-11. It’s about a two hour ride to Corona from here. If you guys are really starving I’ve got a couple of old, stale boxes of Animal Crackers in the car. Well, hop in boys. I’m running an errand for the General.

Steve: Thanks a lot, man. We really appreciate it.

Narrator: Harry and Steve get in the back of Jim’s old Volkswagen Bug. The two convicts introduce themselves to Jim.

Jim: Hey, Harry. How come you’re wearing wrestling trunks and boots?

Harry: Well, during my last match, two criminals broke into the dressing room and stole all my street clothes.

Jim: Man, you really have to be some kind of low life to steal another dude’s clothes. It’s really gets hot in the daytime but by nightfall it’s awful chilly out in these parts. We’ll find you a new set of clothes when we get back to Corona. It won’t be easy though, Harry. You’re a pretty big guy.

Steve: Harry’s stage name is the Masked Mauler. Put on your mask Harry.

Jim: Man, that mask is cool! When’s your next match?

Steve: I’m the Mauler’s manager. We’re out here scouting for a new territory for the Mauler to wrestle in. He’s barred from all our old territories because he has a nasty habit of hanging promoters over the

bridges of local rivers. Mauler gets really upset when promoters don’t book him in the main event. I’m going to register Harry for some anger management classes in the fall. Hey, Jim, do you know of any wrestling promoters out in these parts?

Jim: Yeah I do, General Kane. He’s the guy I’m running this errand for. He says that these wrestling cards are good for the troop’s morale. I’ll tell you what. You buys boys ride back with me to Roswell after I finish this errand. The General might be interested in booking the Masked Mauler. He likes to book wrestlers with lots of attitude.

Steve: Gee, Thanks Jim. We could sure use the work.

Jim: One thing I should warn you about. General Kane doesn’t believe that wrestling is fake. He wants to see plenty of blood and pile drivers done right on the cement floor outside the ring. Real hardcore Mick Foley type of wrestling.

Harry: Well the General has nothing to worry about. I’ll give him all the blood, guts and pile drivers he wants. Good to know that some people up there know the truth. Wrestling is not fake!

Oscar&Grover

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