Act Nine Scene Four:
Sheriff Pyle escorts his handcuffed prisoner’s to Dusty’s Tavern.
Sheriff Pyle: Clerk I need to rent some rooms for some guests of the county.
Hotel clerk: Prisoners? You came to the wrong place. This is a hotel not a jail.
Sheriff: We only have one cell in the jail in town. I’m not going to stick three men and one lady in the same cell. It’s against the law.
Hotel clerk: Well, they’re not staying here. This hotel has a reputation to uphold. Why don’t you try the Holiday Inn in Albuquerque?
Sheriff: Have it your way. I’ll just take a quick look in the beverage room to see if there are any under -age drinkers in there. If there are I will have to shut down your establishment.
Hotel clerk: All right the prisoners can stay here, but we only have two rooms available. The two lawyers have the other rooms reserved.
Sheriff: That’s okay. The three male prisoners will stay in one room and the female can have a room to herself.
General Kane: How many beds are in each room?
Hotel clerk: Two, but we can bring in a cot for the third person.
General Kane: Well, I’m the general so I get one of the beds.
Dr. Zorba: And I’m a doctor so I get the other bed. The wrestler can sleep on the cot.
Mauler: Why don’t we have an arm wrestling contest to see who gets the beds?
Sheriff: Forget it. Tonight’s sleeping arrangements have been finalized.
Hotel clerk: None of these prisoners are violent, are they?
Sheriff: All of them are extremely dangerous but don’t worry. I’ve hired special reinforcements. Andy Griffin and his deputy Garney Fife will be here to help me guard the prisoners all night.
Hotel clerk: Andy Griffin and Garney Fife? Those guys aren’t real police. They’re actors.
Bellboy: Yeah Dude, this is real life not a TV show.
Andy: Watch the attitude son. Sheriff Pyle just handed Deputy Fife and I official New Mexico state trooper badges.
Bellboy: Now, let me get this straight. Andy Griffin and Garney Fife are the police and Terry Mason and Padlock are the lawyers.
Sheriff: That’s right.
Bellboy: Who’s going to be the judge? Col. Sanders?
Sheriff: How did you know?