Category: theatre

New Book Available in Paperback Shortly


New Book Will Be Available in Paperback Shortly:
My new book, The Wild and Hilarious World of The Roswell Gang will be available in a paperback edition shortly. My sample copy arrived yesterday evening. My wife, Martha Peters, read my play last night. Both she and I were very surprised that she liked it. I didn’t think that she would like the kind of humour in the book, but she actually laughed out loud a few times while reading it.
Martha said that she liked the book and saw it’s potential.
I also can see the potential that the book has. Most people will find the book to be both funny and entertaining. It makes for a good reading experience if you would like to escape from reality for an hour or two. For example, if you had a rough day either at work or at school, reading this play just might cheer you up. I think that a lot of middle school and high school students would also find it highly entertaining. Both middle school and high school ELA and drama/theatre teachers might like to have their students act out The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang. Speaking as a retired teacher, I would definitely use this play(with some discretionary tweaks) with my class.
Check out the price. The Kindle version is now selling for only $1.12 as an introductory offer on Amazon. The paperback copy should also be released to the public shortly. The paperback edition also comes with a beautifully designed glossy cover.
My goal in publishing this book is to have people read it and to be greatly entertained.
Thank you for checking out my book and keep on reading!
Ken David Stewart
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Revised Edition of The Lake Demon Chapter Eighty-Two


Chapter Eighty-Two
First of all, I would like to relieve you all by telling you that I am not going to give you a long, scientific lecture on Ogopogo. For those who are interested there are a few authors who have written about Ogopogo in their books and have proposed their theories on the existence or non -existence of this phenomena. These books are very likely available in your public library or, alternatively, may be ordered through Amazon.ca. There are also numerous blogs on the internet that debate this topic.
Furthermore, there is much debate upon what kind of species this animal might be. Presently, some of my students are working on intensive research upon both primary and secondary sources on the subject of Ogopogo.
There is some scientific speculation that Ogopogo may be a surviving member of a species of primitive whale that was thought to move in a serpentine manner. Many of our modern day sightings have indeed reported that what these individuals saw was a very large serpent like creature that moves along the water in an undulating manner often exhibiting hump like shapes.
Unfortunately, the few purported pictures of Ogopogo that have been professionally analyzed are very inconclusive. The photos are usually taken from quite a distance and have a grainy appearance making any kind of conclusive identification of the object in the water to be impossible. And as Dean Sanderson has already noted there are always those individuals who try to perpetuate hoaxes. Also, as the dean has pointed out the Ogopogo is also a historical phenomenon that was first reported in the legends and stories of what our First Nations peoples called the Lake Demon.
“I must apologize for my somewhat impaired vision. Last year I, unfortunately, required emergency surgery on my left eye as a result of a detached retina. As I did not get to the surgeon’s within the recommended window of time, he was unable to save much of the vision in my left eye, This being the case, I now require enhanced lighting and increased magnification when I am required to read or to refer to my notes. This is why I have the large round magnification device around my neck. I will be using it whenever I have difficulty reading my own notes,” explained the professor.
As many of you know I have had a particular interest in what is known as crypytozoology for a long time. I like to think of myself as a scientist who keeps an open mind about things we don’t yet fully understand. Simply put, cryptozoology is a science that studies the possibility of undiscovered, unknown species whose existence has not as yet been scientifically proven. To provide undisputed evidence of the existence of even one of these phenomenon would vastly increase the respectability of any scientist.
I will be very honest with you and will state upfront that this is one of my major goals in taking on this project. As many of you know the last couple of years have not been among my best. I have been bombarded with various attempts that seriously question my competence and reputation as a respected man of science. I suppose that making myself so available to the media has not helped my cause. However, I have made full use of the media as it is my belief that the public has the right to be made aware that there are still many things in the world that are still a mystery to science. I am hoping that the outcomes of our expedition will help to bolster my sagging professional reputation among my critics. With that being said, I will ask Dean Sanderson to come up to the podium and address you once again.

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Chapter 25 of Roswell Revisited, A Play


Harry: Hey, look what it says on the dash. It says location Roswell, New Mexico, year 1947.

Steve: Harry, we just took a trip in a time machine! What luck! Who would’ve thought of a better escape?

Gary: Ha! Ha! I bet the Warden and and Sam and Charles are looking all around the arena for us right now. Ha! Ha!

Steve: I can just see those two guys now. Sam and Charles running around all over the arena looking for us and the Warden and the guards chasing after them.

Harry: Meanwhile we’re in a different state fifty years in the past!

Steve: Man, I’m getting pretty hungry. We need to find a truck stop. Maybe if we do some walking around we’ll find a highway.

Harry: Good idea. We’ll wait for a trucker on his way into town.

Narrator: Jim, the security guard is now driving down the highway on his way to Corona to get the General his burgers, pepperoni sticks and cigars. He sees two hitch hikers trying to thumb a ride. Jim stops to pick them up.

Jim: Howdy boys, I’m going as far as Corona. Will that help you out?

Harry: It sure will. Are there any restaurants in Corona? We’re really hungry.

Jim: Well, there’s a Burger King and a 7-11. It’s about a two hour ride to Corona from here. If you guys are really starving I’ve got a couple of old, stale boxes of Animal Crackers in the car. Well, hop in boys. I’m running an errand for the General.

Steve: Thanks a lot, man. We really appreciate it.

Narrator: Harry and Steve get in the back of Jim’s old Volkswagen Bug. The two convicts introduce themselves to Jim.

Jim: Hey, Harry. How come you’re wearing wrestling trunks and boots?

Harry: Well, during my last match, two criminals broke into the dressing room and stole all my street clothes.

Jim: Man, you really have to be some kind of low life to steal another dude’s clothes. It’s really gets hot in the daytime but by nightfall it’s awful chilly out in these parts. We’ll find you a new set of clothes when we get back to Corona. It won’t be easy though, Harry. You’re a pretty big guy.

Steve: Harry’s stage name is the Masked Mauler. Put on your mask Harry.

Jim: Man, that mask is cool! When’s your next match?
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Chapter Ten of Roswell Revisited 2014


Harvey: Yeah, and my stomach is starting to feel a little queasy. Can I get the keys to your washroom?

Moe: The washroom’s all boarded up. Two guys from the Health Department shut her down this morning. They said they were listening to Rick and Dwight’s radio show and heard that my washroom was filthy.

Harvey: What can I do? I got to go real bad.

Moe: Well, there’s a big cactus plant growing behind the garage. Nobody can see you from the road.

Narrator: Harvey gets behind the big cactus plant and tries to unzip his costume. The zipper gets stuck and Harvey has to cut a hole in the backside of the costume with his Swiss Army knife. Harvey leans back on the cactus plant in order to get his balance. His butt gets punctured by the thorns sticking out of the cactus plant.

Harvey: Yow! That hurts. There’s nothing like getting cactus prickles in your butt when you’re trying to do your business. Hey, Hoss, can you bring me some toilet paper? I left a roll in the glove compartment.

Narrator: While waiting for Hoss, Harvey starts pulling some of the
cactus prickles out of his backside. He turns around quickly to hear
rattling and hissing sounds behind him.

Hoss: Watch out Harv! There’s a big rattler coiled up and ready to strike, right behind you. Don’t worry I’ll try to scare him off.

Narrator: Hoss hurls the roll of toilet paper at the rattlesnake. This just startles the snake. The rattlesnake retaliates by biting Harvey in the backside.

Harvey: Hoss, get me to the Roswell Hospital fast! I need to get a shot of the antidote for the snake venom.
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Chapter Nine of Roswell Revisited 2014


Rick: Well, there are two possibilities. One is that they took him back to the Air Force Base for questioning. The other is they took him out to the desert to shoot him.

Dwight: Rick, The Air Force wouldn’t take Mick out into the desert to shoot him. Heaven forbid!

Rick: Have you ever heard about Hiroshima, Dwight?

Dwight: Oh, yeah. I hear what you’re saying now.

Rick: That’s the reason that I’m the lead broadcaster and you’re my assistant.

Dwight: I didn’t know that. I always thought it was because you married the owner’s daughter.

Harvey: Come on, Hoss. We’ve got to get the keys to the truck back.
We’ll go to the Air Force Base first. If Mick’s not there then we’ll search the desert for him.

Hoss: One problem, Harv. How do we get out to the desert?

Harvey: We”ll go to the compound and get your car.

Hoss: But what if our supervisor recognizes us?

Dwight: Look you guys, there’s some cartoon character costumes in our storage room. Feel free to use them as disguises.

Narrator: Hoss dresses up as Elmer Fudd and Harvey dons the Yosemite Sam costume. As Harvey and Hoss leave the radio station Rick and Dwight are laughing so hard that tears are running down their cheeks.

Rick: Dwight, whose keys are those hanging on the hook in the office?

Dwight: I don’t know. I found them on the floor after the Air Force
guys took Mick away.
Act Seven Scene Three:

Narrator: Harvey and Hoss, the two dogcatcher start walking back down and about 30 minutes and make it back into the downtown area of Roswell.

Harvey: Look, Hoss. There’s our truck parked outside the radio station. I bet the yahoo that stole it is inside the radio station right now.

Narrator: Harvey grabs a large piece of wood and uses it as a battering ram against the radio station door. The two dog catchers fall over and roll onto the carpet of the radio station.

Rick: Hey you goofs! Have you ever heard of doorknobs and turning the handle first?

Dwight: Rick, look at our station! Now we have splinters of wood to go with all of broken glass. Everybody who come to the station is trying to destroy the place.

Harvey: Don’t get your shirt in a knot Dwight. Just send the repair
bills over to City Hall. The City of Roswell will reimburse you for all the damage.

Hoss: Yeah, we’re dog catchers here on official city business. Some guy stole our truck. He’s got to be in here.

Harvey: Right, we were trying to take the guy to the hospital and he repays us by stealing our truck.

Rick: Well, he’s not here now.

Dwight: A few minutes ago we had our special guest Mick Russell on the air. He just starting telling our listeners about how he was kidnapped by the Air Force and thrown in the back of a truck with a bunch of dead aliens.

Harvey: Did he say that he got a shot of horse tranquilizer in the butt while he was at the hospital?

Rick: How did you know?

Hoss: Because this Mick Russell is the guy who stole our truck.

Harvey: Where is Mick now? He’s got the keys to our truck.

Dwight: Who knows? The same two Air Force guys kidnapped him again while he was on the air for the second time today.

Rick: Yeah, twice in one day. That boy is having a real bad day.

Dwight: You think Mick’s having a bad day? Poor baby. How about us? Our radio station has been trashed twice today.

Hosss: So where do you think the Air Force guys took Mick?

Rick: Well, there are two possibilities. One is that they took him back to the Air Force Base for questioning. The other is they took him out to the desert to shoot him..

Dwight: Rick, The Air Force wouldn’t take Mick out into the desert to shoot him. Heaven forbid!

Rick: Have you ever heard about Hiroshima, Dwight?

Dwight: Oh, yeah. I hear what you’re saying now.

Rick: That’s the reason that I’m the lead broadcaster and you’re my assistant.

Dwight: I didn’t know that. I always thought it was because you married the owner’s daughter.

Harvey: Come on, Hoss. We’ve got to get the keys to the truck back.
We’ll go to the Air Force Base first. If Mick’s not there then we’ll search the desert for him.

Hoss: One problem, Harv. How do we get out to the desert?

Harvey: We”ll go to the compound and get your car.

Hoss: But what if our supervisor recognizes us?

Dwight: Look you guys, there’s some cartoon character costumes in our storage room. Feel free to use them as disguises.

Narrator: Hoss dresses up as Elmer Fudd and Harvey dons the Yosemite Sam costume. As Harvey and Hoss leave the radio station Rick and Dwight are laughing so hard that tears are running down their cheeks.

Rick: Dwight, whose keys are those hanging on the hook in the office?

Dwight: I don’t know. I found them on the floor after the Air Force
guys took Mick away.

Harvey: Our best bet is to head towards Corona. They have lots of huge sand dunes out there.

Hoss: Good thinking Harv. Corona is far enough away that no one would think of looking for his body out there.

Harvey: Nobody but us, you mean. We can stop in Corona and pick
up a couple of burgers at Burger King.

Hoss: We better stop at Moe’s Garage before we leave town. We’ll have to fill up with gas if we’re driving all the way to Corona.

Harvey: Good idea. I gotta use the washroom real bad.

Narrator: Harvey and Hoss pull up to the gas pumps at Moe’s Garage. While Moe is busy with a customer, two of his mechanics
Homer: Hey, Les. Get a load of this. One of those guys in the the car looks just like Elmer Fudd and his friend looks like Yosemite Sam.

Les: They’re wearing costumes Homer. There’s a big rodeo going on in Corona this weekend. Those two dudes are probably rodeo clowns.

Narrator: Moe finishes up at the cash register and then walks up to
the gas pumps. How much gas do you need boys?

Hoss: Can you fill her up? We’re driving all the way to Corona.

Moe: For the big rodeo? I noticed your costumes. You guys must be rodeo clowns.

Harvey: No, we’re dog catchers. We’re on our way to get the keys back for our truck. Some rancher has them. We heard that some Air Force guys buried him in the desert.

Moe: What?!

Hoss: Harvey doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s out of his head
with the heatstroke. We just finished working this kid’s birthday party. We
were out in the hot sun for a couple of hours. It gets mighty hot in these costumes. We’re in a hurry to get to the rodeo so we didn’t have time to change out of our costumes.

Harvey: Yeah, and my stomach is starting to feel a little queasy. Can I get the keys to your washroom?

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Chapter Eight of Roswell Revisited 2014


Dwight: Hang on. I think we have a caller on the line.

Lloyd the Barber: You guys better not cancel my interview. You think your listeners want to hear some bozo go on about flying saucers, aliens and some goofball getting a shot of horse tranquilizer in the backside? Don’t you think they’d rather hear an exclusive interview with a great actor like Lloyd the Barber instead?

Rick: Probably not. But don’t worry Lloyd. Your interview is still on for this evening.

Act Seven Scene Three:

Narrator: Harvey and Hoss, the two dogcatcher start walking back to town down and in about thirty minutes they make it back into the downtown area of Roswell.

Harvey: Look, Hoss. There’s our truck parked outside the radio station. I bet the yahoo that stole it is inside the radio station right now.

Narrator: Harvey grabs a large piece of wood and uses a battering ram against the radio station store. The two dog catchers fall over

and roll onto the carpet of the radio station.

Rick: Hey you goofs! Have you ever heard of doorknobs and turning the handle first?

Dwight: Rick, look at our station! Now we have splinters of wood to go with all of broken glass. Everybody who come to the station is trying to destroy the place.

Harvey: Don’t get your shirt in a knot Dwight. Just send the repair bills over to City Hall. The City of Roswell will reimburse you
for all the damage.

Hoss: Yeah, we’re dog catchers here on official city business. Some guy stole our truck. He’s got to be in here.

Harvey: Right, we were trying to take the guy to the hospital and he repays us by stealing our truck.

Rick: Well, he’s not here now.

Dwight: A few minutes ago we had our special guest Mick Russell on the air. He just starting telling our listeners about how he was kidnapped by the Air Force and thrown in the back of a truck with a bunch of dead aliens.

Harvey: Did he say that he got a shot of horse twice tranquilizer in the butt when they took him inside the hospital?

Rick: How did you know?

Hoss: Because this Mick Russell is the guy who stole our truck!

Harvey: Where is Mick now? He’s got the keys to our truck.

Dwight: Who knows? The same two Air Force guys kidnapped him again while he was on the air for the second time today.

Rick: Yeah, twice in one day. That boy is having a real bad day.

Dwight: You think Mick’s having a bad day? Poor baby. How about us? Our radio station has been trashed twice today.

Hoss: So where do you think the Air Force guys took Mick?

Rick: Well, there are two possibilities. One is that they took him back to the Air Force Base for questioning. The other is they took him out to the desert to shoot him.

Dwight, Rick. The Air Force wouldn’t take Mick out into the desert to shoot him.
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Chapter 7 of Roswell 1947 Revisited


Harvey: Ah man, it reeks in here.

Hoss: I don’t care. I’m staying in here until I’m sure the Rotties’s gone.

Narrator: Mick starts up the dog catchers’ truck and heads for town.

Mick: I’ve got to get back to the radio station. I got an even better story to tell them now.

Act Three Scene Three:

Narrator: Zeke, the hospital custodian, runs up to General Kane.

Zeke: The guy we locked up in the store room broke the window and

escaped!

General Kane: Enns, get in the truck. We’ve got to catch that rancher before he starts shooting his mouth off again.

Narrator: Enns and Kane start riding down the back lane. They stop when they see two dogcatchers climbing out of the dumpster.

Private Enns: Look, General. The city makes those poor dogcatchers hunt for dogs in the dumpster.

General Kane: I doubt that, Enns. Roswell city employees have a union.

Private Enns: Maybe the dog catchers aren’t included in the union contract.

General Kane: What the heck are you guys doing in the dumpster? Just look at you guys all covered in garbage. You’re a disgrace to the uniform!

Private Enns: I thought city employees made good money. You guys
shouldn’t have to scrounge around for food in the dumpster.

Hoss: We’re not looking for food. A large Rottweiler chased us into the dumpster.

General Kane: Men, it’s your job to catch dogs, not run away from them!

Harvey: Well there’s a whole other side to this story. You tell them what happened, Hoss.

Hoss: Well, it’s kind of a long story. We were sitting in the truck having our smoke break when we saw this guy stumbling down the back lane.

Harvey: Yeah, this guy tells us this goofy story about escaping from the hospital. He said two military guys kidnapped him and threw him in the back of a truck with a bunch of aliens.

Hoss: Ha ha! And then he says something about a nurse giving him a shot of horse tranquilizer in the backside.

Private Enns: They’re talking about Mick, General.

General Kane: I know! So where’s this guy now?

Private Enns: Yeah. And don’t you guys have a truck or something to put the dogs in when you catch them?

General Kane: They don’t need one. The dogs all chase them into the dumpster. Ha ha ha!

Harvey: Look General, this is no laughing matter. The guy drove off with our truck.

Private Enns: I don’t get it. There’s two of you against one of him.

Hoss Well it’s kind of a long story. You tell them, Harvey.

Roswll Book Cover 2Roswll Book Cover 2