Roswell1947 page thirteen
Act 4 Scene 1:
Narrator: Act 4 takes place at the Roswell Funeral Home. While Dennis the mortician is prepping a client for tomorrow’s funeral he hears the phone ring.
General Kane: Dennis, this is General Kane from the Air Force base. Listen, Dennis I need four child size caskets as soon as possible. Do you have any in stock?
Dennis: Caskets for children? I have two in stock.
General Kane: I need four Dennis. Can you build me two more this evening?
Dennis: Well, sir, this is kind of short notice. I’ll have to run over to the General Store before it closes at six. I’ll have to buy lumber, nails, a hammer, a saw, a tape measure and some paint.
General Kane: That sounds like a plan Dennis. And while you’re at the General Store see if you can pick me up some pepperoni sticks and some White Owl cigars.
Dennis: I’m a little pressed for time sir. I’ve just started preparing a body for a funeral tomorrow and it will probably take me about six hours to finish the job.
General Kane: So you’re sure this guy is dead?
Dennis: Yeah, as far as I can tell.
General Kane: So what does he care if you bury him tomorrow or a day later? He’s probably not in any hurry is he?
Dennis: I suppose not sir.
General Kane: Well, I am Dennis. I want those caskets delivered to the hospital byeight o’clockthis evening. Now I suggest you get going to the General Store this minute.
Dennis: Aye aye sir! I’m on my way. Oh, by the way sir, why do you need four child size caskets? Was there an accident involving small children that I haven’t heard about?
General Kane: Don’t ask any questions Dennis. You’ll get further orders when you arrive at the hospital with the caskets. And make sure you remember to bring my cigars and pepperoni sticks.
Dennis’s soliloquy: This doesn’t make any sense. Usually, they ask me to prepare the bodies before they order caskets. And surely I would have heard about an accident involving small children before now. Well, I better get to the General Store before it closes.
After a couple of hours of sleep Mick wakes up in the storage room at the hospital. He still feels woozy from the effects of his tranquillizer.
Mick: Where am I? Those Fascists must have stuck me in the janitor’s room! There’s nothing here but brooms, mops, and pails in here. Hold on. I see a window.
Narrator: Mick stumbles over to the window. He picks up a step ladder and smashes the glass out of the window. He runs to a back lane about a block from the hospital. He runs to a back lane about a block from the hospital. As Mick stumbles down the lane two dog catchers from town are having a smoke break in their truck. They see Mick stumbling down the lane.
Harvey the dog catcher: Hey Hoss, look at that guy. He’s bombed out of his mind.
Hoss the dog catcher: Hey Buddy, come over here. It looks like you can use some help.
Mick: You’re right about that! First, I get kidnapped by two air force guys who throw me in the back of a truck full of aliens. Then they take me to a hospital where a nurse shoots me full of horse tranquillizer. Then I pass out and wake up in the janitor’s closet in the hospital. I , finally, broke the glass in the window in the janitor’s room and made a run for it.
Harvey: Ha! Ha! Ha! That’s the goofiest story I ever heard in all my born days!
Hoss: Harvey, this man’s not in his right head. He’s hallucinating real bad. We need to get him back to the hospital.
Harvey: You’re right, Hoss. This guy’s probably been in the sun too long. He’s probably got the heatstroke.
When Hoss goes to grab Mick his guys fall out of his trouser pockets. Mick quickly picks the keys up and opens the back door of the dog catcher’s vehicle. Mick then unleashes a huge Rottweiler hear the back door of the van.
Harvey: Hoss, run for your life! The big mean Rotties been cut loose!
Narrator: The enraged Rottie chases Harvey and Hoss down the lane. The dog catchers see a big blue dumpster, climb into it and shut the lid.
Harvey: Ah, man , it stinks in here.
Hoss: I don’t care. I’m staying in here until I’m sure the dog’s gone.