New Book Will Be Available in Paperback Shortly:
My new book, The Wild and Hilarious World of The Roswell Gang will be available in a paperback edition shortly. My sample copy arrived yesterday evening. My wife, Martha Peters, read my play last night. Both she and I were very surprised that she liked it. I didn’t think that she would like the kind of humour in the book, but she actually laughed out loud a few times while reading it.
Martha said that she liked the book and saw it’s potential.
I also can see the potential that the book has. Most people will find the book to be both funny and entertaining. It makes for a good reading experience if you would like to escape from reality for an hour or two. For example, if you had a rough day either at work or at school, reading this play just might cheer you up. I think that a lot of middle school and high school students would also find it highly entertaining. Both middle school and high school ELA and drama/theatre teachers might like to have their students act out The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang. Speaking as a retired teacher, I would definitely use this play(with some discretionary tweaks) with my class.
Check out the price. The Kindle version is now selling for only $1.12 as an introductory offer on Amazon. The paperback copy should also be released to the public shortly. The paperback edition also comes with a beautifully designed glossy cover.
My goal in publishing this book is to have people read it and to be greatly entertained.
Thank you for checking out my book and keep on reading!
Ken David Stewart
News Flash! Ken David Stewart’s First Book Will Be Available in Paperback Shortly!
As my wife, Martha indicated on her facebook page yesterday evening, Amazon.com sent us a paperback edition of my first book, The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang. The copy we received was just a sample copy. Currently, the Kindle version of The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang is available for purchase on Amazon. The Kindle edition is presently being sold at the ridiculously low introductory price of $1.12. It’s hard to buy a cup of coffee at this low a price.
You don’t have to own a Kindle in order to read this book in the Kindle format. Once you sign up for an Amazon account you go to Amazon.com online and can download the Kindle app that will work on most computers, smart phones, Ipods and tablets. Once you have downloaded the free app you can start reading my book.
As I am an avid reader I would strongly recommend purchasing a Kindle ereader. I have purchased every new kindle reader that has been released for sale. I presently own the Kindle Fire HD. In my opinion, it is worth every penny. The Kindle Paperwhite is also a great product. If you have trouble reading small print the Kindle ereaders may be the answer to your prayers. With the Kindle you can adjust the font size for your own reading comfort. I don’t work for Amazon or receive any commissions on the sales of ereaders so this is a brief honest recommendation for the product.
It’s Official. I’m a Published Author!
This morning I got up and was soon checking my email. I was very happy to get a message from Kindle Direct Publishing informing me that one of my books, The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang is now available for purchase on Amazon.
I am aware that I have posted excerpts from this book on my own web sites on many occasions over the years and have received a positive response in terms of numbers of hits on my blogs. The problem was that it was difficult to find a complete and up to date version of the play. I have made several revisions to it over the years and it had never been available in a complete updated and polished format. Today, that has changed as the play has a new name as well as having a new cover, professional formatting and a new title.
My newly published book has undergone numerous revisions over the years and had been given several different titles such as Roswell1947, a Play and Roswell Revisited.
Today, the complete and updated official authorized version of the play is available for purchase in the Kindle format on Amazon. Its new title is The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang (Volume 1).
This play was written in a serialized manner over a period of several years. I thoroughly enjoyed writing this play and often found myself laughing out loud while reading over what I had written. When it came time to get it ready for publication I had a lot of work to do. First, I had to find all the bits and pieces of the play. The next job was to organize, edit and revise The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang (Volume 1). It was truly a labor of love.
The real purpose of the play is simply to entertain people and give them a good laugh and hopefully, a temporary escape from the stress in their own lives. The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang (Volume 1) will appeal to people who like to think out of the box and have the capacity and willingness to suspend disbelief. The book is a collage of many different genres such as comedy, science fiction, historical fiction and fantasy and is even a bit scary in places. Some words that I would use to describe it are bizarre and surreal. The events in the play are very loosely based on the legend of what happened during the summer of July, 1947 in and around Roswell, New Mexico.
I do hope that you buy my book for the price of $1.12 in the Amazon Book Store. I would also greatly appreciate any ratings and reviews that you could give for The Wild and Hilarious World of the Roswell Gang (Volume1)
Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
Ken David Stewart
Act Ten Scene One:
Narrator: The hotel clerk opens the room for General Kane, Dr. Zorba and the Masked Mauler. He then shows Nurse Carrie to her room.
Sheriff: Bellboy, could you put on a pot a coffee and bring us a couple of packs of Marlboroughs? We will also need a night table and three chairs. Andy, Garney and myself will be staying up all night outside the prisoners’ doors.
Terry Mason: Hello, room service? Could you send up an eight ounce New York sirloin steak up to room one along with a bottle of your best white wine?
Dusty: What? Look pal, this is The Roswell Hotel not the Keg. I can send you a cheeseburger and fries. If you want something to drink you can pick up some beer at the vendor downstairs.
Terry Mason: You don’t understand, sir. This is Terry Mason, the famous lawyer. You’ve seen me on t.v.
Dusty: Yeah, right. And I’m Padlock.
Terry Mason: No. Padlock’s in room two.
Narrator: Dusty laughs and hangs up the phone. Meanwhile, General Kane, Dr. Zorba and the Masked Mauler are getting settled in a hotel room number three.
Dr. Zorba: Well, seeing as were going to be roommates for the night and all, I guess I should apologize to you, General.
General Kane: Apologize for what?
Dr. Zorba: For knocking you out back at the hospital.
General Kane: What would I be doing at the hospital? I got a splitting headache, but I wouldn’t go to the hospital just for that. I’m too tough talk to see a doctor about a measly little headache. I could use an ice pack and a couple of Tylenol, though.
Dr. Zorba: You don’t remember being at the hospital, General? This sounds like case of temporary amnesia.
General Kane: This is strange. The last thing I remember was teaching basic training to some new recruits but that would have been a couple of weeks ago.
Mauler: By the way Dr. Zorba I need to apologize for knocking you out cold with a flying head butt.
Dr. Zorba: I don’t remember anything about that. The last thing I remember was putting the camel clutch on General Kane. After that my mind went blank. Mauler, I need you to call room service and ask them to bring a cot. And ask them for an icepack and a bottle of Tylenol for the General while you’re at it.
General Kane: Good idea. Are you guys getting hungry? I feel like having some burgers and fries. Come to think of it I wouldn’t mind a bottle of good Kentucky bourbon and a case of Bud.
Narrator: The Masked Mauler calls the front desk and asks to speak to the bellboy.
Mauler: Bellboy, this is room three. We’d like to order an ice pack, a bottle of Tylenol, nine cheeseburgers, six large French fries, a bottle of Jack Daniels bourbon and twenty-four cans of Budweiser beer. Oh I just about forgot. We’ll need a cot for the room, too.
Bellboy: Room three? You guys are all prisoners. The sheriff wouldn’t allow prisoners to have alcohol in their rooms.
Narrator: The Masked Mauler shakes his head and then hands the phone over to General Kane.
General Kane: Listen son, when I was in Vietnam we used to cut open the cots that the VC used for sleeping. We’d pull out the stuffing and load them up with time bombs. And then we’d sew them up and wait for the enemy to go to sleep. After a few minutes of sleepy bye it would be just like the Fourth of July.
Bellboy: I catch your drift sir. You want me to take the stuffing out of the cot, load it up with booze and sew it up again.
General Kane: You catch on fast, son.
Bellboy: I’m taking quite a risk here, sir. What’s in it for me?
General Kane: Do you like wrestling, son?
Bellboy: I love wrestling but I can’t afford the tickets for the Air Force Base wrestling cards.
General Kane: I’ll tell you what, son. I’m the wrestling promoter at the Air Force Base. You carry out the plan we just discussed and I’ll get you a pair of ringside seats for the next card. Add some White Owl cigars and some pepperoni sticks to our order and I’ll make sure you get an exclusive backstage pass to meet all the wrestlers after the show.
Bell Boy: Hot diggity dog! I’m working on your order as we speak.
Narrator: After 15 minutes has passed the bellboy delivers the cot containing all the contraband to room number three. The starving guests rip up the cot and immediately dig into their cheeseburgers and fries.
General Kane: Hey, Mauler, turn on the TV. Let’s see what’s on.
Mauler: Hey, what luck! It’s the Andy Griffin Show.
Narrator: The three prisoners hear someone pounding on the wall from the room next door.
Nurse Carrie: Hey, do you guys have any food in there? I’m starving.
Dr. Zorba: Yeah, tons of food and drinks too.
Nurse Carrie: How do I get into your rooms so that the guards won’t see me.
Mauler: No problem. There’s a door here next to your room. It’s locked but I’ll use my Swiss Army knife to pick the lock.
Narrator: Mauler pries the lock open and let’s Nurse Carrie in.
Dr. Zorba: Nurse Carrie, what are you doing here? We’re all under arrest but we can’t remember what we were arrested for.
General Kane: Let her eat her supper first, Zorba. Can’t you see that the poor girl is starving?
Mauler: Yeah, I want to watch the Andy Griffin Show first anyway.
General Kane: Ha ha. There’s Lloyd the Barber. That guy cracks me up.
Narrator: While this conversation is going on, Andy Griffin is listening through a glass tumbler that he put up to the door.
Dr. Zorba: I have heard rumors that Andy can’t remember his lines.
Nurse Carrie: Those rumors are true. Watch Andy. Every time it’s his turn to say his lines he moves closer to Aunt Bea’s sofa.
Dr. Zorba: Why does he do that?
Nurse Carrie: Because Lloyd the Barber is behind the sofa whispering his lines to him.
Andy Griffin: That’s it Garney! I’ve heard enough. Let’s bust down the door right now and raid their little party.
Narrator: Andy and Garney force open the door and break into the prisoner’s hotel room.
Andy: Are you guys having a good time making a mockery of me?
Garney: Andy, how did they get all this food and alcohol up to the room? And how did Nurse Carrie get in their room?
Andy: All right, the party’s over boys and girls. Let’s get all the food and booze out of here and show it to Sheriff Pyle. Where is the Sheriff anyway?
Garney: Elmer’s still in the washroom. The poor guy’s been constipated all day.
General Kane: He might have fallen asleep on the toilet. Elmer had a long day and he’s not used to working this hard.
Dr. Zorba: The Sheriff’s no spring chicken either. He just has a couple of months to go before retirement.
General Kane: That’s precisely my point. The old guy needs his beauty sleep. Let him sleep in the bathroom for a while. In a few minutes we can ask the bellboy to get us another cot and Andy and Garney can lift Elmer off the toilet. We’ll let the Sheriff have a nice comfortable sleep on the cot tonight.
Andy: That’s very considerate of you General, but I’m still mad as hell about the way you guys were dissing me.
Mauler: Ha ha! We were just joshing with you, man. We knew you’d be listening to our conversation outside the door.
Andy: You mean you weren’t serious?
Nurse Carrie: Of course not. We know that Lloyd the Barber is a lying pig.
Dr. Zorba: It’s an honor to meet a great actor like you, Andy.
Garney: They sure had you going there, Andy.
Andy: Yeah, you guys really got me there, but hey, I’ve always enjoyed a good joke.
General Kane: I just got a great idea. Instead of letting all this good food and drink go to waste, why don’t you and Garney guard us from inside our room?
Mauler: That’s brilliant, General! There’s more than enough food and drinks here and if we run out we can just call room service and order some more.
Andy: That all sounds good but what do we do about Sheriff Pyle?
General Kane: Just what we discussed before. Just be careful taking Elmer off the toilet and putting him on the cot. We don’t want to wake him up.
Dr. Zorba: Yeah, don’t worry. I’ll give the Sheriff a shot of Xanax. He’ll sleep like a baby all night.
Narrator: Andy and Garney agree with the plan and are off to the washroom to find Sheriff Pyle.
TO BE CONTINUED
END OF VOLUME ONE
Author’s Note For Roswell 1947, A Play
I decided to compile my writings in my serialized play, Roswell 1947 in a book to be self- published. This has turned out to be quite the undertaking as I had to search for sections of the play in many different places. I wrote this play in serialized blog posts over a period of years. I have attempted to piece the play together in much the same way that one would attempt to put together a challenging jigsaw puzzle. To many readers the finished product may not make much sense. This is probably as it should be as Roswell 1947, A Play turned out to be a surreal merging of fantasy, science fiction and comedy. It has been a labor of love compiling this play. Its purpose is entirely to entertain the reader.
Ken David Stewart
Act Nine Scene Four:
Sheriff Pyle escorts his handcuffed prisoner’s to Dusty’s Tavern.
Sheriff Pyle: Clerk I need to rent some rooms for some guests of the county.
Hotel clerk: Prisoners? You came to the wrong place. This is a hotel not a jail.
Sheriff: We only have one cell in the jail in town. I’m not going to stick three men and one lady in the same cell. It’s against the law.
Hotel clerk: Well, they’re not staying here. This hotel has a reputation to uphold. Why don’t you try the Holiday Inn in Albuquerque?
Sheriff: Have it your way. I’ll just take a quick look in the beverage room to see if there are any under -age drinkers in there. If there are I will have to shut down your establishment.
Hotel clerk: All right the prisoners can stay here, but we only have two rooms available. The two lawyers have the other rooms reserved.
Sheriff: That’s okay. The three male prisoners will stay in one room and the female can have a room to herself.
General Kane: How many beds are in each room?
Hotel clerk: Two, but we can bring in a cot for the third person.
General Kane: Well, I’m the general so I get one of the beds.
Dr. Zorba: And I’m a doctor so I get the other bed. The wrestler can sleep on the cot.
Mauler: Why don’t we have an arm wrestling contest to see who gets the beds?
Sheriff: Forget it. Tonight’s sleeping arrangements have been finalized.
Hotel clerk: None of these prisoners are violent, are they?
Sheriff: All of them are extremely dangerous but don’t worry. I’ve hired special reinforcements. Andy Griffin and his deputy Garney Fife will be here to help me guard the prisoners all night.
Hotel clerk: Andy Griffin and Garney Fife? Those guys aren’t real police. They’re actors.
Bellboy: Yeah Dude, this is real life not a TV show.
Andy: Watch the attitude son. Sheriff Pyle just handed Deputy Fife and I official New Mexico state trooper badges.
Bellboy: Now, let me get this straight. Andy Griffin and Garney Fife are the police and Terry Mason and Padlock are the lawyers.
Sheriff: That’s right.
Bellboy: Who’s going to be the judge? Col. Sanders?
Sheriff: How did you know?
Act Nine Scene One:
J. Edgar Hoover: Put your hands on the table where I can see them and don’t move.
Narrator: Hoover puts his cigar out in Dwight’s Styrofoam coffee cup
Dwight: What did you do that for? There’s an ashtray on the table.
Hoover: Are you questioning the FBI, son?
Dwight: Of course not, but what are you doing here?
Hoover: I just found a stolen government vehicle in one of your parking stalls out front.
Rick: What stolen vehicle?
Hoover: The dog catchers’ truck.
Dwight: Oh right, the two dogcatchers have gone looking for the keys. A rancher has the keys to the truck but the Air Force
Narrator: Hoover starts looking at the keys hanging on the key ring.
Hoover: Well, isn’t this interesting? This set of keys has Property of the City of Roswell written on it. I wonder if they might start the dog catchers’ truck?
Narrator: Hoover sends his assistant, Richard, out to try starting the truck with the dog catcher’s keys.
Private Enns: The keys started the truck up no problem, sir.
Hoover: You boys are in some real hot water now. Theft of a government vehicle will get you twenty years in the state prison alone. But that’s the least of your problems. Now, where have you hidden the two dog catchers and the rancher?
Rick: Mick Russell’s probably out in the desert getting shot by General Kane as we speak.
Hoover: And why would the Air Force want this rancher dead?
Dwight: Because the rancher found a crashed flying saucer and saw some dead aliens in the back of General Kane’s truck.
Hoover: How do you guys know about this? You’re probably Soviet spies.
Rick: No, we’re not!
Hoover: You boys are digging yourself in deeper and deeper every time you open your mouths. Let’s see now. We’ve got you on theft of a government vehicle, kidnapping, lying to an FBI agent, kidnapping, on possible homicide charges and not to forget being spies for the Kremlin.
Dwight: I have an idea sir. If we could find Harvey and Hoss for you, it will prove that we are telling you the truth.
Rick: Great idea Dwight! I think I know where to find them. The last time we saw them they were dressed up like cartoon characters. They were on their way to the compound to find Hoss’s car.
Hoover: Dressed up like cartoon characters? What for?
Dwight: Hoss and Harvey didn’t want their supervisor to recognize them.
Rick: If their supervisor saw them he would ask them where the truck was.